Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
