I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
