Me too!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
