I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
