You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
