I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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