after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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