Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
