my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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