you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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