I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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