and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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