careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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