Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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