Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
