Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
