i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
