i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
