my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
