i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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