Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
