woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
