Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
