Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
