Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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