If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
