If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
