i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
