she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
