My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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