We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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