Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
