Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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