I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
