So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
