I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
