I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
