K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
