Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
