a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
