I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
