You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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