i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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