It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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