my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
