i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
