I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize