So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
