Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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