everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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