Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
