Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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