Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
