Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish you could order shots online.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize