Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
