Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
