Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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