I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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