I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
