is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
