well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
