He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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