I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i think i have two assholes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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