So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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