Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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