Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
