I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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