Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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