oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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