she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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