cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
