guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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