So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
