there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs speak an international language.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is my gift to your gina
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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