and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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