I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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