Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
