I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
